Reading in the Laundromat and Walking in New York

"All of life is a foreign country."
- Jack Kerouac

"The journey is the destination."
- Dan Eldon

I've tried to read On the Road twice; I made it to about page 80 or so each time and was never wowed. We are coming up on the 50th anniversary for the aforementioned book now and Kerouac's name is everywhere now, especially in New York. There is even an anniversary bomber jacket coming out in celebration of this marker. Anyway, the Kerouac bug bit me today, so I looked up some of the man's material, and came across this quote. Not sure where it came from, but it's a good line.

This weekend is the longest stretch of time that I have spent with my mom and sister together in well over a decade. As much as I love these two people, it's often times difficult to be around them, my mother especially. This is a strange experience. On one hand I would gladly step in front of a car for the woman or give her a kidney, but going to the airport with her and just walking around New York City is like chewing rocks sometimes.

I think this is so for two reasons: (1) I am used to spending most of my time alone. Not too long ago, I had a really hard time being alone. After college having to be in my apartment alone really freaked me out. Five years later, too many people and too much noise make me almost claustrophobic. (2) Sometimes we slip into family patterns that were established a long time ago. I am no longer 5 years old and a complete danger to myself when left unobserved and near an electrical socket. My mother is no longer the one responsible for making sure that I don't get hit by a car or burn off my finger prints on the stove. Things can change relatively quickly in life, but human patterns of behavior are usually the last to change. Very few of us are the present Zen masters, so the default setting is usually what we play to when placed in a familiar situation.

Okay, so I'm going to give myself some adult credit today. After too much time spent with family in close quarters, I stated that I was going to do some laundry and went down to the local laundromat for some alone time with the non-English speaking locals, the food of their respective homelands, and the odd odors that go with them. It's funny how a loud, crowded laundromat can be a solitary place that provides deep, deep satisfaction. If I would have had a cup of coffee to go along with my copy of GQ, I could call it a near perfect moment.

Along with spending time with the immediate family, I spent the majority of yesterday walking through New York with a dear friend of mine who I will call JP. JP and I went to high school together. I haven't seen him for about two years now, but we picked up right where we left off. One of the unexpected things I discovered is that JP is a great shopping partner. He turned me on to a couple places in New York that had great products which were also on sale. I picked up a couple of $100 dress shirts for $60 USD, a sweater that had been discounted greatly, and a burgundy scarf.

Yes, a scarf--which as it turns out is one of the most masculine accessories known to man. Cary Grant wore a scarf, Paul Newman wore a scarf; believe it or not, John Wayne wore a scarf. It keeps a man's neck warm and adds a delightful and unexpected splash of color to what a man is wearing. Men living in colder climates have been keeping this secret from desert dwellers such as myself for years now. I'm taking this secret back to Arizona with me, and going to rock the look when the weather hits 60 degress--which may take awhile as Global Warming is real.

Namaste

Thanksgiving - What Is This About?

"Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind."
- Lionel Hampton

Any fourth grader can tell you that a traditional Thanksgiving consists of inviting your neighbors over, not having enough food to go around, sending them away after they have solved the problem by unexpectedly bringing more food, then killing them and taking their land. Technically, this is the ultra-traditional Thanksgiving. Fast forward a couple hundred years. Now the Indians have gotten back at old Pale Face with their casinos, and Thanksgiving is an extra long holiday where everyone goes shopping the next day in full force. But what is this day really about? Why do we keep it and hold is as such a dear national holiday?

Well, I think the name is a good indication of this holiday means so much. We give thanks for what we have been given, and take time to recognize that we are pretty fortunate as a nation. For the Puritans, this meant that they could practice their extremely strict version of Christianity without persecution. Some might give thanks for this currently, but I would wager that most people are thankful for things like health, family, and employment.

What am I grateful for? I'm grateful for my family--most of them, and I mean that seriously. I'm grateful to have an ongoing relationship with a swim coach where there is a "mind meld." I'm thankful for the people I work with in the professional setting, and the challenges that I have been given this year in that arena. Health is right at the top of the list. I'm currently in New York and there are a lot of people here in wheelchairs without arms or legs fending for themselves. So yeah, I'm thankful that I have all my appendages and they work reasonably well.

Typically I turn into a total Scrooge come the holiday season, but this year I feel differently. Some of it probably has to do with personal growth, while I would say that another part of it has to do with family situation that seems to be righting itself. For example, just the other day I tried to make my "The Most Depressing Christmas Ever" cd mix and the will to do this just wasn't there. Maybe there is hope for me after all.....

Namaste....

Suki, the Year in Review and the Year Ahead

"Those with the greatest awareness have the greatest nightmares."
- Mahatma Gandi

"Just because you like Jimi Hendrix doesn't mean you can play like Jimi Hendrix.”
- Anthony Bourdain

I am currently sitting in the next guest room that I plan on laying claim to. I'm in Santa Barbara via Los Angeles, getting ready to go eat dinner. My cousin Lara and her husband Travis have spent the past two plus years renovating a 1960s ranch style house/surfer bungalo. To say that it's beautiful isn't appropriate. The guest room is painted Straw, and Travis' "Man Room" is painted Nantucket Fog. Side by side the rooms colors don't mean much, but go from room to room and you feel like have moved from the beach into the Ocean. Their house is a home that reflects their personalities, interests, and deep sense of family.

On my way to Los Angeles I stopped by the airport book store to pick up some light reading. It's mid month and the new magazines are hitting the shelves. Unfortunately, the new GQ and Esquire aren't stocked yet. Instead of reading about the amount of shirt cuff I should show with a suit to maximize effect, or the like, so I was forced to just sit there and wait with my own thoughts.

This experience of being in between places wasn't exactly scary, but it was different. I'm not functioning in my life in Phoenix, and I am not functioning in my life in Los Angeles. People are coming and going, and I am just waiting. Ironically, the Japanese have a word for such an experience, they call it suki. According to my tennis coach, this is the space in between two notes of music. That's where I was at, just sitting in between worlds. I'm not saying that this was a moment of Enlightenment, but it was a moment of clarity.

So what did I discover? Well first of all, paying $12 for a gin an tonic is highway rape. How can these people charge that much for something like tastes just like rubbing alchol and lime? Maybe more importantly, I got a sense of what this year has been about, what I've accomplished on a fundamental level, and what changes I'd like to see come about in 2008. In a sense, I'd say this is my year end inventory. I usually save this post for the end of December, but I'd like to put these things to paper so I can begin working on these items and have some fully formed practices to start off 2008.

Looking at the major accomplishments of this year, I wouldn't say that I really created or built anything of great significance. Rather I would say that 2007 was a year of "undoing," or "clean-up." I would say that this undoing applies specifically to my finances, my continuing mission to become a world class swimmer, and my ongoing efforts to become a fully formed professional.

For various reasons, I broke ties with a property that I was a co-owner of, moved in with a friend of mine, and put the the excess cash flow to paying off consumer debt--which is a lot more fun to create than it is to extinguish--and student loans. In this case, I had to let go of an asset in the form of a house and the corresponding mortgage note--which was unexpected; the the silver lining here was that I was able to eliminate debt much quicker than I initially planned. The undoing here was all about increasing my operating cashflow for 2008. The consumer debt is on the cusp of being paid off, and with it's elimination I can put the excess cash flow that was previously earmarked for debt destruction to income generating projects. So...undoing before doing.

Mid-year the swim coach I was working with--who was the first coach to inform me that the "core is the main hydrodyanmic lever"--took a job as the assistant swim coach of the University of Auburn. Brian, my coach at the time, is a great coach and introduced some the beginnings of "undoing" of my freestyle. As he left, I was a little worried about finding someone to assist me in my quest; luckily, a new age group coach came to my swim club, and I've been working with him for about 6 months now. Since that time, we've identified some inefficient habits. As Rabbi Max Cohen would say, "It all starts with awareness." So there is awareness now about what's not working in the water, and I am practicing. I haven't been able to master this practice as quickly as I would like, but that's Life. Again, more about undoing than specifically "doing."

As for work--my favorite full-contact sport--it's been a good year, probably my best professional working year ever. For a long time I've held that working hard means working long hours and clubbing things to death, somethings for the shear sake of the clubbing. Well, this year I was forced painfully to let go of this ideal, along with a few others. Ideas are almost as hard to let go of as habits. Reimagining how to get things done in the work place was painful. I'd submit that I am largely on the other side of the looking glass, but going through it wasn't fun.

While in Los Angeles, I had a chance to go back and read some of my older posts, specifically the ones where I list out all the "magic bullets" that I discovered as cures to my problems. I think my mind has opened up a touch since then. I'm now more concerned about healthy, and sustainable practices than I am about "answers." Creating change is challenging, and the one-shot responses rarely solve problems. As I look at what I want to create in 2008, it's more about sets of things working together than it is about making one change and waiting for everything go my way.

As I thought about what I wanted to create in 2008, I went to Gordon Byrn's blog for direction--http://www.gordoworld.com/gblog/2006/09/personal-planning.html. I am using his model as a rough guide. I'd recommend that you take a look and see if there is anything that speaks to you. So, here's my rough plan for 2008:

Key Objective #1: Pass the CPA and corresponding Ethics Exam. Okay, I've been dicking around with this one for awhile now. I took two parts in 2007, failed both of them, and then got blind sided by some family stuff. Lessons were learned, but I didn't fully execute. The plan now is to sign up for a CPA review class in early 2008, and start working on knocking this thing out. I'm not putting the hard deadlines on this process the way I did previously. My plan is to put my butt into a chair each night, and work smart.

Key Objective #2: Continue to work with Coach Kevin on my freestyle, build an efficient technical base, and then build the corresponding aerobic and fitness base as the technical mastery appears.

Key Objective #3: Continue to add new projects and skill sets to my bag of tricks. 2007 was a good "base" year. The plan is to really build, and then polish the key financial reporting skills in 2008. Combined with the CPA exam, this will put me in a solid position professionally.

Key Objective #4: Maintain and/or expand operating cashflow. Eliminate chunks of the student loans, and sock away away money in a Roth IRA as well as the company 401(k) plan.

All right, that covers most of the "business" items for 2008. But if that's all I do in 2008, then I am going have achieved much, but I'll probably be about two steps away from putting a shot gun in my mouth. Point being, there is more to life than just achieving; without rest, focus cannot be held. Here's a list of the things I want to do just for the sake of fun and enjoyment in 2008 as well as the next few years. I'm sure the list will change, but it's fun to dream out loud some times:

• See Jerry Jeff Walker at an Indian Casino--feathers, not dots.
• Take a few cooking classes with my cousin Emily.
• Buy a "Man" chair--one of those big ass leather chairs that every man should have. It's the type of chair that a man doesn't share with anyone; if someone is sitting in it when I walk into the room, they will get out of the chair, and move to the couch. It's a man's place when they are in the common area. It's the type of chair that comes with a fine bottle of Scotch whiskey upon purchase. Depending upon my living situation, I'd even be willing to entertain the idea of getting dog and a smoking jacket just so I can complete the picture.
  If I have a significant other in 2008, I'd like to take some ballroom dance classes. I think that would be fun.
• Go to a concert at Mountain Winery in Saratoga, CA. Beautiful venue, I'd say that it's even better than Red Rocks in Colorado.
• Add to the Scotch collection. I'll probably add an Oban, and an Aberlour to the collection before the year is over.
• Travel abroad. I had planned on going to Norway in 2007, but that changed as plans often do. So, I'd like to either go there or Italy in 2008.
  Start earmarking money for a property in New Zealand. MAD was right: I won't do well in an environment where I have minimal contact with people, and little to do. So, I think that I will still plan on raising sheep, but I'd also like to keep a garden there. Also, New Zealand has a good swimming community.
• Continue to contribute to the world of micro-finance: http://www.kiva.org/
• Put "blood money" in the bank.
• Paint my bedroom Nantucket Fog. It worked for Lara and Travis.

So those are my thoughts on the 2007, and what I'd like to see happen in 2008. It's a practice and a process, but I'd like to go into this year with some momentum. As always, I'll keep you posted on my progress.....

Namaste

Jerome the Barber Speaks...Part III

“Sex is interesting, but it's not totally important. I mean it's not even as important (physically) as excretion. A man can go seventy years without a piece of ass, but he can die in a week without a bowel movement.”
-Charles Bukowski

Swimming is a cruel mistress in many different ways. She wracks your body, gets you out of a warm, soft bed for early morning practice; maybe more importantly, swimming will destroy your hair. Stiff brittle hair, coupled with the conservative environment I work in--I am an accountant after all--sends me to the barber shop every two weeks. I used to do this just to keep my hair manageable, but now I find myself going to the barber shop just to hear what's going to come out of Jerome the Barber's mouth.

Let's take inventory about what I have learned about this man over two haircuts:

• He's been married three times
• His favorite wife was wife #2--she paid her way through barber college as a nude dancer, and she was very sweet.
• He was a courier as a younger man, a bartender, a short order cook, and an insurance salesman.

As Friday approaches--the usual day I get my haircut--I'm asking myself, "What am I going to learn about Jerome and Life when I get in the chair this time.

This haircut started off slowly. I told him I wanted a #2 on the side, and clean-up the top. Jerome has his marching orders and gets to work. Nothing of note comes up for the first 10 minutes. Jerome is in the hair cutting zone, and I am spacing out, enjoying the sensation of thinking about nothing and looking at myself in the mirror. I guess Jerome had all the heavy lifting of his craft taken care of, the trance breaks and we start to talk.

His voice is pure sandpaper with a surprising, velvety finish. When he opens his mouth, the sound that comes out is alchemy--a voicebox beautifully scarred from years upon years of drinking fine whiskey, and smoking generic cigarrettes. I'd love to pay the man to do a books on tape series. He'd probably do it too if the fee was appropriate, and he could pick the reading material--most likely some soft core porno pulp story.

We talk about the normal pleasantries for a few minutes, nothing of substance comes up, so I take matters in my own hands. "Are you dating anyone new, Jerome?" He pausues, takes mental inventory, and say, "Yeah, yeah, I am."

Jerome's latest lady friend is 46, and a fan of the hot-tub. She came over to his house the other day in a tube top and shorts, went directly to the tub, stripped and hopped right in. His housemate was eating breakfast, and the event sent his scrambled eggs up his nasal passage and out his nose. She immeadiatly apologized.

As I am sitting there, sitting at the feet of the master so to speak, and am wondering, "How does this 63 year old barber meet so many women who just want to take their clothes off for him?" What the Hell, I'll just ask him.

"Jerome, where do you meet all these women?"

"Oh, at the gym. Most people think women go to the gym, but the don't. They go there for a different reason all together."

"So that's it. You just meet them at the gym?"

"That's how I meet them, but you don't keep a woman by being her workout partner. Women love a man who can cook. And I don't mean you just put a steak on the grill. That's not cooking. If you can cook, they will always come over. I've had a lot of married women want to come over for dinner, but I have to tell them, 'It doesn't work that way, sweetie. I can't have you over to my house for dinner if you have one of those rings around your finger.'"

He cleans up my neck with a straight edge razor as he is finishing his story, and sharing with me the source of all his powers. He spins the chair around, and thank God, there aren't any mother and small children behind me. Two weeks from now I will head back to the barber shop for another dose of questionable stories from Jerome.

The Other Side of Heartache

"I hated her now with a hatred more fatal than indifference because it was the other side of love."
- J. August Strindberg

"Just don't know what to do
I'd give anything to
Be with you"
- take from Love Sick by Bob Dylan

I had dinner with some friends last weekend, and one of them said quite proudly,"I'm not a hopeless romantic, I am a hopeful romantic." Great line. It encapsulates all the feelings and emotions of the single people who are in the process of finding that special someone.

Most people who fall into this category--and I am listing myself right now as their unofficial spokesman--have this unshakable feeling that their is someone out their that's their kind of crazy. They are obsessive about something that you can understand--maybe good coffee, budgeting out when you have to leave for yoga so that you can be ten minutes early and get a good spot, specifically ordering tap water with no ice at a restaurant and then sending it back when it comes with ice, or insisting upon an uber fattening breakfast after a 10 mile run. Everyone is crazy, but it's a lot easier to be in a relationship when you understand what type of crazy your significant other qualifies as.

I'd also submit that most "hopeful romantics" are hopeful that their will be some sort of unexplainable chemical attraction between the two of you. I've had two personal experiences where I locked eyes with someone and it felt like Time was severely slowed down and I had been punched in the stomach--both sensations occurring simultaneously. One of these experiences lead to a relationship with a woman that was addicted to pain killers, and failed miserably--MAD will remember this one. The other didn't even get off the ground. Irregardless, I know from experience that this sort of attraction is possible.

A few months ago I wrote about how hard it was to get over my last girlfriend. With her it wasn't love at first sight, and she wasn't exactly what I would call the "right" kind of crazy. Even though these are my only two criteria, she did something to me that knocked me on my ass. Yep, emotionally she kicked me in the gut, and knocked the wind out of my sails. I'm not sure if she laced my iced tea with some sort of pheromone, but this one really got under my skin.

Over the past few weeks though that emotional hold has started to give. As this started to happen, I found myself extremely drawn to a new woman. Apparently we were on the same coffee break schedule, and I would say hi to her as we passed or waited in line at Starbucks. Whenever we would pass, I couldn't tell if she was absolutely attracted to me, or if I mildly repulsed her. It was one of the other, and I just couldn't tell. So this behavior goes on for a few weeks, and I am in a holding pattern.

Fast forward to yesterday afternoon: I am sitting outside Starbucks after work, enjoying the weather and talking to Aunt Shelly on the phone about a few ideas for the book. And then this woman--and trust me, she is absolutely sex on legs--who I have been admiring during my coffee break walks by arm-in-arm with what had to be her significant other. The guy was about 5 foot 10, balding, and had the darkest, thickest eyebrows that I had ever seen on a human being. This man was by no means a handsome man. I don't even think it's fair to say that he was an average looking man. On a ratings scale, he sits right in the middle of average to flat-out unattractive.

As she walked by she waved at me, and I waved back, flashing the biggest smile I had in my repertoire. We locked eyes, and it was almost like she was saying, "Yeah, I know."

However, there are two caveats to this situation that could throw my whole analysis off. (1) There is a strong possibility that this guy she was with has a lot of money, or rather, spends a lot of money. Scottsdale is pretty materialistic, and there are a lot of people who are solely concerned with material matters. (2) This guy could have a 14 inch meat stick. There are some things you just can't teach, and this is one of them. Maybe God felt really sorry for dishing out the unsightly eyebrows and blessed him in other ways.

Anyway, for the first time in an extended period of time, I am on the other side of heartache. It's a good place to be. I'm not going to rush into anything now, just wait for someone who is an the same "frequency" to come my way. It's more a question of "when" and not "if."