A Rainy Day in Phoenix

"I reminded myself that incessant potential catastrophe is the human condition, is in fact the price of possessing consciousness, and I determined to live with greater ease from now on, and not to let anyone scare me about the future, because the truth is, the worst thing that could happen to you is death, and that's going to happen despite all your worry and effort, so it's simply irrational not to say fuck it."
- Violence of the Lambs by John Jeremiah Sullivan published in the February 2008 GQ

This past week I've been getting up at 4:30 AM to work out with my buddy Kelly. Yesterday, I woke up at 5:30 AM to go do my usual Saturday morning group run. Today was supposed to be my day of rest. Heavy clouds came in overnight, and I fell asleep to the sound of rain hitting the tin of the parking overhang. At 7:20 AM some asshole's car alarm went off for 10 consecutive minutes. Maybe it was a sign that I am condemned to be a morning person.

After the car alarm finally stopped, I got a big ass cup of coffee from Starbucks and a delicious peanut butter and honey English muffin, and read the first few pages of the aforementioned article. WOW! What a sentence. I had this instinctual reaction to the line that went something like, "SEE! This is the mindset and thought pattern that has kept the Irish alive for centuries." I quickly went to the front of the article to see what the author's last name was. I don't think it gets more Irish than Sullivan.

Maybe this cultural hyper consciousness is why the Irish have a reputation for being heavy drinkers, and why the pub is the cornerstone of the community. It's hard to say with any sort of certainty, but I do see this sort of awareness in my Irish family members. Honestly, it's too small of a population to make a broad, sweeping generalization; then again, maybe I am on to something.

Anyway, I got a haircut from Jay the Barber yesterday. There was a lot less hair on Jay's patio this week. Last time it seemed like there was this pool of dark hair all over Terra cotta stone; this time it was just a dusting. And we talked. We had a conversation that only happens between men in three situations: (a) You are obscenely drunk, (b) You are a practicing Roman or Gaelic Catholic, and you are confessing your sins to a trusted priest, or (c) You are in a barber's chair.

I don't know what it is about getting your haircut, but I've noticed that the relationship between barber and client, is one that seems to bring about what I will call "anonymous openness." If you knew that you were never, ever going to meet a person again, and they weren't going to judge you, then there is an overwhelming possibility for a genuine conversation to occur. And that's what happened yesterday. Jay and I just put everything out there. It was great.

Last hair cut, as a token of appreciation, I gave Jay a six pack of beer and a bottle of Hendrick's gin. This time he made me promise not to bring anything over. He did let me sweep up the hair on his back patio, which made me feel a little better. We went inside, where his lovely wife Christy was baking cookies. We had a beer, chatted some more, and as I was saying my goodbyes, Christy wrapped up some cookies for me to take home. Some people have a barber. I have a guardian spirit.

It's odd because it seems that when the Universe decides to start kicking my ass--which it is right now on various levels, and areas--I start to notice the small miracles that are happening all the time. When I feel like I am on a roll, and am "conquering the Universe," I don't take stock and all the goodness that's going on around me. In a perfect world, things would always be good, and I would be able to recognize all the nice stuff going on all the time. But, if that happened, then I would probably get really bored.

Growth = Pain, Part II

"You can't fail. The further you fall, the greater the opportunity for growth and change."
- Julie Newmar

General reference: http://www.gordoworld.com/gblog/2008/01/self-awareness-and-facilitation.html

As many of you know, I look forward to reading Gordon Byrn's weekly blog. Although I have never met the man personally--we do share mutual friends--he seems like a pretty enlightened, and highly achieved human being. Based on what I know of the man, he is they type of person that I strive to be.

His thoughts this week were difficult for me. His material is basically about looking at our bad habits, and the things that we don't do well, and working towards eliminating these things. Some times my strategy for dealing with my "challenges" is to work harder. This makes things better about half the time. Sometimes more work is necessary to get things done better; other times, I need to see what isn't working, and reimagine how to best deal with the issues at hand. Irregardless, it's hard to look right at yourself, and say, "There are things that I am not good at." As much as it pains me to admit this, awareness of these things is the only way to make changes for the better.

One of the things that I have noticed with most adult swimmers who want to improve their efficiency is that they take lessons, but then go back to the workouts and continue to practice their old habits. I see it in myself, which is probably why I can see it in others. I've talked about this with Coach Kevin. Although we don't have a formal plan yet, my mental plan right now is to only swim in a span "correctly." This means I will touch water 3 times per week: two times with Kevin in lessons, and once again on the weekend. My guess is that I will probably have to do that for a few months until my stroke has been reformed.

Anyway, as I make these changes, it's going to hurt. I'm going to be frustrated; I'm going to want to go back to my old stroke; I'm going to be upset that I'm not getting better fast enough. But the good news is that if I am willing to negotiate with my resistance to change, I will improve and things will get better.

So those are my thoughts for today. I'm going to try to get some good writing in tomorrow. We'll see if a good topic comes to mind.

Namaste

My New Barber and the Tom Brady Stare

"Being a barber is about taking care of the people."
- Anthony Hamilton

As a kid I used to get my haircut really short in the summertime. I would go to the barbershop with my dad when he would get his hair cuit. His barber's name was Mimi, and I would always have John cut my hair. I'm sure these people had last names, but I'm not sure what they are. Anyway, I went over to my grandparent's house after a haircut one time, and my grandpa said, "That's a good looking butch haircut you got there, son." In my grandfather's day and age, "butch" was either a man's first name, or a haircut. It wasn't a term used to describe a really tough, masculine looking woman.

Fast forward 20 years. My roommate and I are goofing around, talking about butch haircuts. As it turns out, his step-dad, Jay, went to barber school before he went to Vietnam. So this weekend, I passed on hanging out with Jerome and got a butch haircut from Jay on his back patio.

Much like Jerome, Jay has lived a full, wild life. He grew up in Colorado on a farm in Colorado, was a helicopter pilot in the Vietnam War, worked for Charles Keating, and is currently enjoying the twilight of his professional career. He's a salt of the earth guy. The man wouldn't accept any monetary compensation for his services, but he did take me up on an offer of six pack of beer. So after my butch haircut was complete, we sat out on his patio, drank a few beers, and just shot the breeze. It was great.

A few weeks ago I watched the New England Patriots take on the New York Giants. I started watching the game just before half time. At one point the camera focused in on Tom Brady as he was on the sidelines. He had this look in his eye. It's hard to articulate what exactly that look was all about, but it boils down to one word in my mind: focus. He didn't care what the scoreboard said, he knew that he and his team were going to win the game.

When I got back to work a few days later, I put up a sticky note by my computer that said, "Tom Brady." It's that sort of focus that really makes a person truly great at whatever they do.

Growth = Pain, TV Gameshows, and Why I Miss Jerome

“When you blame others, you give up your power to change."
- Dr. Robert Anthony

If we're growing, we're always going to be out of our comfort zone."
- John Maxwell

"My personal experience is life-transitions (divorce, illness, injury, career change) force me to come to terms with myself. Specifically, I am forced to cope with the death of an identity.
Die a few times and it becomes easier to cope."
- Gordon Byrn as taken from http://www.gordoworld.com/gblog/2008/01/beyond-achievement.html

I went back and looked at my goals for 2007. It was a painful moment, but I haven't achieved any of the things that I wanted to achieve. The CPA exam isn't finished, my personal finances aren't completing resolved, my swimming isn't where I want it to be, and I haven't transformed into a fabulous ballroom dancer. So, I basically have to concede that none of my goals were realized in 2007. Yes, progress was made but nothing was really knocked out of the park.

So yeah, I'm pretty pissed right now. But the only thing I can do is reapply myself and get back at it. The only really good thing that has come about these failures--and I say this nonjudgementally--is that I can learn from what hasn't worked in the past, and use this information to alter my plan of attack in 2008.

The first 6 months of this year is our busy season at work. It really doesn't make sense to try and study during this time. But come May 2008, I'm going to fill out my CPA paperwork again, sign up for a review class, and dig in. It might be hard and require a lot of time sitting down on days when I want to go for a run or a swim, but it needs to get done.


There has been progress with swimming, but I didn't realize the extent of the overhaul I would need to do with swimming. I bought a notebook, set some goals and gave it to Coach Kevin. We'll see what he says. For the most part, my training is limited by my technique. I'm content to learn and work on my stroke, letting the base develop on its own.

Those are the two things I am really focused on in 2008. It's time to stopping fooling around and get this stuff done.

On a completely unrelated note, I was recruited to try out for a game show that will be aired on the FOX network. I was at a shopping center yesterday, minding my own business and sipping a cup of coffee, when a guy approached me and asked me if I was interested in potentially being on a game show. The show is called "The Moment of Truth." I took a look at some of the sample questions, and I'm basically being asked to take a bath at high noon, naked, at the busiest intersection in town. But, I could win $500,000 and be on television. As always, there are trade offs in life.

On another unrelated note, I got a haircut last week from a new barber. Let's just say this new guy is no Jerome. He got the sides right, but he left the hair too long on top. It's grown out okay, but at first it looks like a modified "high and tight." Jerome never did that to me. He always got the top to even out with the sides. More importantly, this guy doesn't have any wild, randome stories either. All he did was make some odd comment about how he thinks the actor Joe Pesci is crazy, and that he doesn't believe in Global Warming. So yes, I miss Jerome.

This week should be great. We've got plenty of really interesting work going on, I have my lunch packed from tomorrow, and Ill get a big ass cup of coffee on the way to work.

Into the New Year

"We are what we believe we are."
- CS Lewis

I worked late tonight, but it felt good to work late. Today was my first day back in the saddle after 11 continuous days off. I put my head down and cranked. The kid has his swagger back.

Is it just me, but I've never understood why people kiss each other at midnight on New Year's Eve. Is that supposed to bring good fortune in the New Year? One thought I had right now as I was sipping Scotch is this: the moments before midnight are when one thing ends and another begins, and that uncertainty is scary. It kind of makes sense that you would want to close your eyes in this uncertain moment and hope that everything will be for the best. As far as I know, kissing someone is the best excuse for having your eyes closed.

For the time being, I really don't have a whole lot of resolutions. I have a 1/2 marathon to get ready for, plenty of work at the office to take care of, and a friend coming to town on Thursday night--who is going to buy me dinner in exchange for a ride from the airport. At the moment, my life is pretty hectic. I don't really have the time right now to look out on the horizon. I know what I need to work on right now. When those things are done, then I'll do some reimagination. As always, I will report on my thoughts when that moment comes.

More thoughts later.....

Namaste