The Flavor of My Thanksgiving
"I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential."
- Mitch Hedberg
I wonder how many movies have been made about a relatively normal person who goes home for the Holidays and has to deal with their crazy family. It seems that every Holiday season there is a movie that fits into this category. Does Art imitate Life or is it the other way around? Hard to say.
My Thanksgiving was a relatively dry one, meaning little to no alcoholic consumption. A little social lubrication is always nice, but it seems that most of the time my family members over lubricate and goes straight to "slippery" territory. The only people drinking at this Thanksgiving were my sister, her boyfriend, my mom and myself. We each had one drink. The rest of the people breaking bread with us are either under the legal drinking age significantly, or are working a Program of some sort, i.e. AA.
We make it through appetizers, and are half way through dinner when my sister says the following to one of our guests: "You're still a relatively young man, retiring at sixty and all. What do you like to do with your time now that your retired?" It's proper dinner table conversation, maybe the most innocuous sort of question there is.
"Well, for the most part I just have a lot of sex." Please note, this guest has not had a drop of alcohol in a very long time. In addition, his lady friend was with him and this comment didn't get a rise out of her. She just continued to mix her corn with her potatoes and eat away.
Did things get worse from there? Hard to say. I was having a fun time, but I am sure that the twelve year old at the table was sort of confused or shocked to hear her great-uncle refer to himself as "a pointer and a shouter" in the subsequent sentences. And as our guest got further from the dry land of appropriate conversation I had the most crystalline thought: "The only thing that could make this situation any more entertaining is if I had Jerome the Barber here at this table to add to the flavor of this holiday." Now that would have been something.
Namaste
- Mitch Hedberg
I wonder how many movies have been made about a relatively normal person who goes home for the Holidays and has to deal with their crazy family. It seems that every Holiday season there is a movie that fits into this category. Does Art imitate Life or is it the other way around? Hard to say.
My Thanksgiving was a relatively dry one, meaning little to no alcoholic consumption. A little social lubrication is always nice, but it seems that most of the time my family members over lubricate and goes straight to "slippery" territory. The only people drinking at this Thanksgiving were my sister, her boyfriend, my mom and myself. We each had one drink. The rest of the people breaking bread with us are either under the legal drinking age significantly, or are working a Program of some sort, i.e. AA.
We make it through appetizers, and are half way through dinner when my sister says the following to one of our guests: "You're still a relatively young man, retiring at sixty and all. What do you like to do with your time now that your retired?" It's proper dinner table conversation, maybe the most innocuous sort of question there is.
"Well, for the most part I just have a lot of sex." Please note, this guest has not had a drop of alcohol in a very long time. In addition, his lady friend was with him and this comment didn't get a rise out of her. She just continued to mix her corn with her potatoes and eat away.
Did things get worse from there? Hard to say. I was having a fun time, but I am sure that the twelve year old at the table was sort of confused or shocked to hear her great-uncle refer to himself as "a pointer and a shouter" in the subsequent sentences. And as our guest got further from the dry land of appropriate conversation I had the most crystalline thought: "The only thing that could make this situation any more entertaining is if I had Jerome the Barber here at this table to add to the flavor of this holiday." Now that would have been something.
Namaste
posted by Zen_Accountant at 9:32 AM
1 Comments:
I had Thanksgiving with my husband's
first wife's family. How's that for
"interesting". The craziest part of my night was when the "girls" played
Pictionary. The food was good; the
sequence of events predictable. It
was a good day--nobody fought and
nobody cried.
Michael, why do you attract these unusual situations? I would not have been the least surprised if Jerome had walked through the door.
Can't wait for you to liven up Christmas.
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