Words of Advice from a Swimmer
"You show me a man with a woman who is drop-dead georgeous, and I'll show you a bored man."
- Jan the Swimmer
"Be careful of infatuation. This isn't something that necessarily means you two are meant to be together. To be infatuated, you have to be blind to a lot of things about this person."
- Jan the Swimmer
Interesting things happen when you talk to people genuinely. I'd submit that semi-miraculous things happen when you ask genuine questions. And on Tuesday morning, after an hour of swimming, I asked one of my fellow swimmers in his mid-forties how things were going with his significant other. This question turned into more questions about dating and relationships. I don't think anyone has this whole thing figured out, but I think as you go through Life, you do get some insights that clear things up. Jan offered a few of these to me. His biggest insights are posted above.
Up until yesterday, I really didn't think I could have a "charged" long-term relationship with a woman unless I felt that initial chemical reaction right off the cuff. After talking with Jan yesterday, I am beginning to wonder if I have been wrong about this. Maybe a slow burn is a better way to go. I'm going to give this advice an opportunity to work, and see what happens.
I have written about this before, but during Christmas I met a very pretty woman who was engaged to a man who was not a handsome man by any stretch of the imagination. It's not fair to unattractive men to refer to him as unattractive. But, he's the one who has the lovely girlfriend, not me.
I guess as you date people, and certain forces of personality or common interests take over, it becomes possible to find things that are attractive about a person, outside the scope of pure physicality. From what I've been told, when you love someone things that seemed important kind of go out the window. You begin to be able to overlook the fact that they aren't as tall as you would want, or you can ignore their drinking problem, or the fact that they still live with their ex-girlfriend. These things are just semantics.
I'm still processing the man's thoughts on relationships and dating. We'll see how his theories play out in application.
- Jan the Swimmer
"Be careful of infatuation. This isn't something that necessarily means you two are meant to be together. To be infatuated, you have to be blind to a lot of things about this person."
- Jan the Swimmer
Interesting things happen when you talk to people genuinely. I'd submit that semi-miraculous things happen when you ask genuine questions. And on Tuesday morning, after an hour of swimming, I asked one of my fellow swimmers in his mid-forties how things were going with his significant other. This question turned into more questions about dating and relationships. I don't think anyone has this whole thing figured out, but I think as you go through Life, you do get some insights that clear things up. Jan offered a few of these to me. His biggest insights are posted above.
Up until yesterday, I really didn't think I could have a "charged" long-term relationship with a woman unless I felt that initial chemical reaction right off the cuff. After talking with Jan yesterday, I am beginning to wonder if I have been wrong about this. Maybe a slow burn is a better way to go. I'm going to give this advice an opportunity to work, and see what happens.
I have written about this before, but during Christmas I met a very pretty woman who was engaged to a man who was not a handsome man by any stretch of the imagination. It's not fair to unattractive men to refer to him as unattractive. But, he's the one who has the lovely girlfriend, not me.
I guess as you date people, and certain forces of personality or common interests take over, it becomes possible to find things that are attractive about a person, outside the scope of pure physicality. From what I've been told, when you love someone things that seemed important kind of go out the window. You begin to be able to overlook the fact that they aren't as tall as you would want, or you can ignore their drinking problem, or the fact that they still live with their ex-girlfriend. These things are just semantics.
I'm still processing the man's thoughts on relationships and dating. We'll see how his theories play out in application.
posted by Zen_Accountant at 8:07 AM
1 Comments:
I completely disagree with Jan the Swimmer. I've been with drop-dead gorgeous before and been completely excited, happy, and involved with the relationship. Unfortunately she moved to get her Doctorate (she had 2 Masters degrees) and I couldn't follow.
I agree that you need to be careful of infatuation, but I disagree that you have to be blind to a lot of things about the person. I still feel infatuated with my wife after 3 years. She still gives me that little buzz, that tickle, that giddy 12 year old confusion of a school boy in love. I may be blind to a lot of things about her (how could one know of things they were blind to) however I doubt it. My friends and family would have told me by now.
On another note, one of my most intense and deep relationships was with a woman who I did not find attractive (in the beginning). Our friendship grew as we spent more time together. We dated for at least a year before I realized I loved her and I loved her intensely for 5 more years. The end of that relationship was the worst thing I've experienced to date.
MAD
(Like I even needed to sign my name)
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