Balance - Does It Exist?

"I would like to reach a balance and forget a few things."
- Mick Jagger

Yesterday my good friend MAD and I got an interesting email string going about balance. The basic back drop to the conversation is this: we both are still trying to find out how to have our cake, eat it, and not get fat. No joke. Both of us are former college athletes and are addicted to the chemicals our bodies provide from a good workout out. On top of this, we both have work responsibilities, family responsiblities, and need sleep. Here are some of the highlights from the email conversation:

MAD: It is very hard to balance. I’ve sacrificed exercise and it is affecting my mood. I still don’t know how to balance it with the rest of my life.

ZA: Yeah.....it's affecting mine too. i don't know if there is any really acceptable answer to this question. in life there are a lot of demands. i think you just do the best you can each day. it's hard for me because I know i could get in super shape if I just had more time. I had more time at the old job, but I was bored and I wasn't very engaged in my work. now I am very engaged here, but tired, and getting fat....

It's funny because I used to have thoughts like, "When I get done with the accounting certificate program I'll have more time." And when I did, I did have more time, but then started working on getting the CPA license. I am sure that when I am done with that something else will come up and that elusive "extra" time will disappear. It seems that life is always about the same, things changing, but my overall level of deep satisfaction about the same.

MAD: That’s just it. How do we balance it all? I agree that there isn’t an acceptable solution other than to reduce your expectations. That sounds sad but for energetic, motivated, and driven people like us it is a sad reality. Remember those posts a long time ago where we discussed those single minded individuals who achieve greatness? I was saying that they do that by missing out on a lot of other things that life has to offer. They have chosen what they want to sacrifice. If you want too many things, you have to settle being average at most of them. You pick a few that get extra attention (wife, child, job…) and kind of let the rest squeeze in where they can. There just isn’t enough time. If you decide to be a super athlete then perhaps the job suffers.

I do the same thing about thinking in the future I’ll be able to do this or that. I’ve been thinking that for about a decade now and it hasn’t really changed. Granted my main focus has shifted from goal to goal but I’ve never been able to do everything that I want to do. We’re in the same boat.

ZA: I agree with you 100%, but I want to reframe what you just said:

1. Understand what your Core values are.
2. When you know your Core values, say "Yes," to them. This will mean you say, "No" to other things.
3. There are things that you will enjoy doing that are outside of your Core values. When you engage in them, have realistic expectations.

I would say that since I was 22 I have been in the process of shifting how I allocate time. Now I spend more doing what is consistent with my Core values and letting the rest fall to the side. I've gotten better at knowing and accepting myself and liking those things. In the past I was sort of suspicious of my Core values, but now I really like them. Now I would say that I do more of what matters than what I really want in the moment. There is a distinction between the two. I know now that I can't do everything that I want, but if I am smart, I can do the majority of what is truly meaningful.

Last thought: When I think of a guy on the trapeeze, he doesn't just haul ass across the high wire. He walks across and makes adjustments so that he doesn't fall off. Balance isn't about serenity; balance is all about making adjustments in the face of change.

Namaste