Saturday, July 28, 2007

Mending Fences

"Most growth is painful. It's about letting painful stuff come back up, one last time, so you can heal from it once and for all time."
- Clay Vollmer

"Well, the past is gone, I know that. The future isn't here yet, whatever it's going to be. So, all there is, is this. The present. That's it."
- Don Johnston as portrayed by Bill Murray in Broken Flowers

I have received all of the responses to my apology emails. It was really surprising. Each and everyone was very kind, said that they appreciated the thought, and forgave me. Honestly, I had expected that I would get a few back on what a total jackass I had been, but no such thing happened. It's been really surprising how compassionate and understanding people can be when you try to make ammends. Maybe this is an indication that most human beings are compassionate by nature, and just need the opportunity to display this quality.

During the week I fired off some emails to a guy that I swim with--the aforementioned Clay Vollmer. He asked me what I had been up to, and I told him the truth: "I spent a good chunk of the weekend sending off email, or making phone calls \napologizing for past behavior." He wrote back something like, "Sounds like Steps 8 and 9. Are you working the program?"

I responded by saying that I was not working a 12-Step Program--I do believe that "mending fences" is key to any spiritual practice--but I just felt the need to clear up some of the things I did in the past. Clay responded with the quote that I began this blog with. It really makes a lot of sense.

Part of cleaning up one's mess is realizing that they have made some poor choices, and accepting that they can never go back to change the past. That in itself is painful. Add to this the pain of knowing that you hurt someone--either intentionally or unintentionally. I mean really, mending fences really sucks on the surface. At the same time, cleaning up the past is like taking away a sizeable stone from a person's emotional backpack. The straps don't dig into your skin as much, and it's a lot easier to move forward.

As I have quoted a few months back, humans are the dynamic summation of the decisions that we have made. Those decisions are both the things that we have chosen to do and the things that we have chosen not to do. Choose wisely.

Namaste

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