Reconnection
“Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation.. so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type.. I'm like, "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, "no - I want magenta!"”
- John Mayer on relationships
All right blog fans, I'm back. As my friend Ken Chee suggested, I have been using my blogging energy during the week to study for the CPA. In addition, I have re-worked my study approach, plan and time frame, which was informed by Gordon Byrn's observation that "Most people overestimate what they can achieve in the short-term, and underestimate what they can achieve in the long-run." I'm taking more of a sustainable, long-term approach.
Since I last wrote, I took a vacation to San Francisco where I reconnected with my good friend and swim team memeber Phil Aguilar, saw Chris Isaak play at Mountain Winery, ate like a pig, put on a bunch of weight, and totally decompressed. It was a great time. I learned a few lessons while I was up in San Francisco--maybe I should say that I remembered a few lessons--but I'll be writing about those later. As much as I am reconnecting with the people that I read this, I also reconnected with a long-time friend of mine last night, and I think the events of the evening are worth sharing.
So anyway, I haven't hung out with my friend Dave in about two years. We had a disagreement, got into an argument, and didn't speak for about two years. I bumped into a mutual friend, got his number and called him up a few weeks ago. We met up last night, and it was like no time had passed. Dave was the bigger man in bringing up the argument, apologized, and the air was cleared. It was really cool to see a person willing to be so honest, and own up to their mistakes, even if that meant getting yelled at or having an uncomfortable moment. He was just so present about the whole thing. It was an eye-opening moment for me.
One of the things that Dave talked about is how he realized that people will make "messes." It's bound to happen, but most people won't own up to their mess. So most people will go around their whole lives tip toeing around a dirty room acting like it's clean. So why not just clean up the room? WOW! One of my favorite quotes from Ernest Hemingway is "Everything damn thing you do is your own fault, if you are any good." Dave quoted him.
I went home after that conversation, taking inventory of the mistakes I had made recently--I've made way too many in the past to go back that far. The biggest mistakes I could think of recently were with my lovely ex-girlfriend. During our relationship did two things that really screwed things up with her: (1) I didn't keep the promises that I made to her all the time, and (2) My way of showing her that I really care, weren't completely in alignment with how she understood care/affection. Now, I'm not saying that she was a complete angel, but I realized that those were two things that really hurt us.
Out of the fucking blue today she calls me. We talked and exchanged pleasantries, and then I put it on the line. I apologized, and told her how much she meant to me, and acknowledged what I did wrong. It was REALLY uncomfortable at first, but after that there was this feeling of liberation and freedom. So my project for the rest of this afternoon is to make a list of "wrong doings" and apologize and own up to these things.
- John Mayer on relationships
All right blog fans, I'm back. As my friend Ken Chee suggested, I have been using my blogging energy during the week to study for the CPA. In addition, I have re-worked my study approach, plan and time frame, which was informed by Gordon Byrn's observation that "Most people overestimate what they can achieve in the short-term, and underestimate what they can achieve in the long-run." I'm taking more of a sustainable, long-term approach.
Since I last wrote, I took a vacation to San Francisco where I reconnected with my good friend and swim team memeber Phil Aguilar, saw Chris Isaak play at Mountain Winery, ate like a pig, put on a bunch of weight, and totally decompressed. It was a great time. I learned a few lessons while I was up in San Francisco--maybe I should say that I remembered a few lessons--but I'll be writing about those later. As much as I am reconnecting with the people that I read this, I also reconnected with a long-time friend of mine last night, and I think the events of the evening are worth sharing.
So anyway, I haven't hung out with my friend Dave in about two years. We had a disagreement, got into an argument, and didn't speak for about two years. I bumped into a mutual friend, got his number and called him up a few weeks ago. We met up last night, and it was like no time had passed. Dave was the bigger man in bringing up the argument, apologized, and the air was cleared. It was really cool to see a person willing to be so honest, and own up to their mistakes, even if that meant getting yelled at or having an uncomfortable moment. He was just so present about the whole thing. It was an eye-opening moment for me.
One of the things that Dave talked about is how he realized that people will make "messes." It's bound to happen, but most people won't own up to their mess. So most people will go around their whole lives tip toeing around a dirty room acting like it's clean. So why not just clean up the room? WOW! One of my favorite quotes from Ernest Hemingway is "Everything damn thing you do is your own fault, if you are any good." Dave quoted him.
I went home after that conversation, taking inventory of the mistakes I had made recently--I've made way too many in the past to go back that far. The biggest mistakes I could think of recently were with my lovely ex-girlfriend. During our relationship did two things that really screwed things up with her: (1) I didn't keep the promises that I made to her all the time, and (2) My way of showing her that I really care, weren't completely in alignment with how she understood care/affection. Now, I'm not saying that she was a complete angel, but I realized that those were two things that really hurt us.
Out of the fucking blue today she calls me. We talked and exchanged pleasantries, and then I put it on the line. I apologized, and told her how much she meant to me, and acknowledged what I did wrong. It was REALLY uncomfortable at first, but after that there was this feeling of liberation and freedom. So my project for the rest of this afternoon is to make a list of "wrong doings" and apologize and own up to these things.
posted by Zen_Accountant at 11:59 AM
2 Comments:
What a great analogy! "So most people will go around their whole lives tip toeing around a dirty room acting like it's clean."
That is so true. Unfortunately there are two more aspects of this messiness. One is that many people end up dirtying the floor so much that they just get a new room rather than clean it up. Can anyone say 50% divorce rate?
The other aspect is one that can sneak up and bite you. It is my experience that women more than men do what my mom calls brown bagging. The brown bagger goes around picking up messes that their loved one made and puts them in their "brown bag." They carry this bag with them at all times and when you get into an argument, they reach in and pull your previous mistakes out and shove them in your face. It is unhealthy for the bagger and an unfair way to fight, but it happens none the less.
These are two more reasons to clean up your messes!
ZA, I applaud you for not shying away from the uncomfortable, unpleasant, and difficult areas of your life.
Is anyone else reminded of "Scott Baio is 45 and single?"
Sorry I missed you in SF!
MAD
Mike, amazing. It seems that many people not only don't incorporate new ideas in their life, they surely live in the world of "I'm right, and you're wrong". And for sure, they're unwilling to be the bigger person and be the first to admit what they did wrong. I have a friend who refuses to clean up the messes in his life because he can't get over the fact that they did something to him too. And his life remains a mess. It seems like with nearly every person in his life there is something unsaid that keeps him from being really connected with anyone.
That you took on what we talked about so whole-heartedly says a lot about who you are.
I look forward to seeing what we find as we "walk the path". LOL
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